Tuesday, July 4

Mom's the word

I've just finished watching Stepmom on Star Movies and I cried the whole time! I'm a sucker for sappy love stories, mother-daughter bonding movies (Mom's sacrifice, dying of cancer etc) movies. But, I have to watch it alone, all by myself, not even with dearie. I know he would laugh or make fun of me, lol!

It was an old movie back in 98, seen it once before I was a mother myself and watching it the second time brings more emotional interpretation of mother-daughter relationship. I always have this perfect picture of a mother (ala Hollywood movies) and I wish I had that with my mom. To be honest,since 5 year old I realized that I'm always hunger for attention from my parents, especially my mom. It's not that I grew up being neglected or anything, but I envy the attention she gave to my siblings, well, that's what I always thought. I got a brother when I was 2 1/2. Back then he was sooo cute, being really fair, great skin and he's a BOY! I remember when he's only few months I hit him on the head when no one's looking, (ha!Evil lil' Zach) and when he's 3, I hit him with a broom and he got bruises all over. Papa was an army officer and he's been relocated like every 3-4 years but we never move with him(except for KK)as they wouldn't want us to keep on changing schools.
Mama works as a Head Dental Nurse and when I was 9 she was transferred to JB. So we only see her once a week.

Atuk raised me, she's technically my parents. So, I got really close with her. I'm practically her youngest daughter!Oh, she showers me with her unconditional love, she did all the houseworks (never asked me to help, hence I don't even bother to learn how to cook until I met Faizal) Only the last few months, I realized that mama's absence made me really independent. That was the most precious lesson she ever taught me. I took a public bus to school, and at 16 I'm already on a bus,from Kluang to KL travelling on my own to watch underground gigs @ Piccadilly,Damansara Jaya every month! (KS, you were so worried about me, thanks for being a great sis, your nagging kept me in school, haha)

This is where I met the most beautiful people in my life. I guess those were days where I learn true friendship which lasts 'til today. This is also the path that leads me to meet my beau. To cut the story short, I got acquainted with Man (of Sufferage circa 95-98, I hope I get it right) who introduced me to the world of IRC who happens to already know dearie and let's say that's how it all started. 1996-2000 were the best years of my life until Aresha came in '04.

I remember how furious my mom and dad when I brought home a long-haired guy, torned jeans and very much older than me! I've just finished SPM and she tried with all her might to end my relationship with him. (Now she loves him to bits,she knew the guy with that unforgettable ponytail, now spotting mohawk ;) will never break her eldest daughter's heart) Yeah, that's how much mama loves me, she wants what's best for her precious. I've made mistake once when I was 15 to fall in (stupid puppy)love and broke her heart when I didn't score 8A's in PMR. I should've listened to her back then, but what did I know? She was right, that so-called boyfriend is no good for me but I'm glad that I follow my heart when I met dearie, I know I'll never find someone who makes me laugh every single day, puts me above everything else, and works really hard so that I could care for Aresha 24-7.

I dream of having Anna and Jackie relationship where Me and mom could be really good friends like what she's doing with Fara now. I knew I broke her heart too many times
while growing up. I was a rebel, we had arguments on almost everything right until I got married. All of us a sudden she came to her senses that I'm no longer her baby girl, and belongs to dearie. However, our relationship is having a great headstart, we talk more, share experiences on child care, I come to her for advices, we cook together hey, we're practically walking on clouds now!

I guess I've always wanted to be a good mom since I was a kid. That's why I choose to stay-at-home and give my all to Aresha. I don't want to miss her any of her firsts, and I hate to share Aresha's love with babysitter/nanny. I hope I did it right.Seeing her gorgeous smile and her spontaneous act of wrapping her arms around my back is more than enough to make me stay, at least till she goes to kindergarten.I never thought I'd choose to live some called 'conservative' life over being a successful writer. Tho' I miss having my own money (and my shopaholic days), I love who I turn out to be now, I'm a better person and not so slf-centered anymore. The world did not evolve around me anymore,maybe in Aresha's ;)

I miss mama more than ever and she's coming home with my other mom, Atuk this Sunday. Really looking forward it!

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